what's next?

Well.

In an unexpectedly brief yet stressful moment last night, I learned that I will be packing my bags up this summer. Unfortunately, I will not be flying into Narita International Airport, just outside of Tokyo, Japan, at the beginning of August. My plans to begin a steady path towards ex patriotism have been foiled. At least for the time being.

A fellow gamer and internet acquaintance sent me a message, giving me the heads up that application IDs that had been rewarded with an interview, the next step, a chance at making the journey to Japan, were posted on the US Embassy's JET Program website. I immediately visited the site following, putting all other matters aside. As the PDF loaded, I found the small piece of paper that had on it, written in ink, the key that would unlock the next phase of the journey. It did not unlock the next phase, rather it dashed my chances and crushed my hope. Using the find feature in my web browser, I slowly entered my application ID, seeing that matches were found, hoping that everyone one up until the last would also be found. I made it to the second to last character...and nothing. No matches said Safari. I of course double checked, but to no avail.

I am disappointed. In one hand, I hold the sense of relief that I now know my fate concerning the JET Program. In the other, disappointment, but motivation and hope to find out what I will do in the face of this loss. I was at a lack of words when it happened, and thankfully, I was alone. Rather than perform the "open your acceptance letter in front of your parents or friends" script, I was more than obliged to read this in solitude and send a text to my brother, a friend or two. My parents don't know yet, but it won't be meaningful to them. They see my job, my money as happiness, when I'd rather go without either to be happier. Don't worry, I still love, respect and appreciate them.

But here I am, in my right hand, holding the thoughts of what is next. The aforementioned acquaintance provided me with links to other similar programs and blogs to people who post questions and give advice about moving to and living in Japan. There is a lot of good information and plenty of other options involving teaching English in Japan. Do I start applying to more programs?

I actually don't know yet. Something pulled me towards the JET Program, and knowing a previous participant provided me with lots of confidence and motivation to see myself alone in Japan. The idea has grown more daunting just in the past few hours today that I devoted to researching these other programs. I still want to travel and live abroad. But now, how? With what program?

I have previously mentioned my interest in the nursing field. I do somehow feel that by going back to school though, I am short changing myself on just going and doing, being in the unknown. Another 2 years? 2.5 years before I could be free?

For now I wait. More research is well deserved at this point. All I'm truly worried about is time. Will I be able to facilitate a move, a change before the end of July, when my lease expires and I hope to move on from my job and this place?