the meaning, or not meaning, of life...

This is one isn't flowing freely from my fingers quite like the last. I've had many ideas of which I would like to write about it since that post, but I tend to get good dialogue in my head only when a) I'm not near a computer b) I'm drunk (go figure) and c) when I'm driving. I'm probably only limiting myself by revealing this, but I say it once again, I'm only human (yup, I'm smoking a cigarette when I'm finished).

I just finished watching, rather nodding off through, Pan's Labrynth, an interesting film from Guillermo del Toro. I don't know if I should give you my full synopsis and review of the film, but I can suggest it as one to queue in your Netflix. This film comes to me after a lengthy string of life and death themes that have been pervasive in my everyday life lately. I've seen it before but didn't give as much notice to this: Ofelia is shot by her heinous step father at the end of the film, finishing the line of tasks set forth by the faun who Ofelia imagines she interacts with. Her own innocent blood is spilled onto the gate to the underworld, allowing her to return her true home with her mother and father, queen and king of the underworld. Ofelia is lying on the ground, imagining this at the end of the film, and just before she passes, she smiles. Quite moving.

While I'm only 23 years old, I sometimes get this feeling I'm having my 20 something year old life crisis. I imagine this is not uncommon for the common college graduate at my age. The so called "wonder" years are over, you're out on your own (or living with your parents) in the real world battling the elements of coworkers (and/or your parents) and this thing called the economy, which has never really affected your life before because you had your parents to do that for you. I'm just like any other graduate right now, whether or not I'm in the employeed or unemployed group. The one thing I'm not sure about is this death thing.

Firstly, my string of life and death related themes for the past week (I'll be quick about it).

The Road by Cormac McCarthy, suggested by friends and a forum, especially since the movie is coming out. I want to be one of those insiders at the theater who knows exactly what's going on when it happens and so I can also offer my wise review and criticism after seeing the film. Synopsis: post apocalyptic world, father and son fighting to stay alive among cannibals and theives. Can they stay alive? Is living in this bleak, broken and lifeless world worth it? I can't really say how I totally felt about the book but it's written really well and worth a read.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Once again we rediscover Bradd Pitt really is a good actor (he always has been in case you've forgotten). The preview doesn't prepare you for what the movie is really about. But the fact that you are supposed to lose people in life is revisited and quickly accepted by Benjamin Button. He made it look easy.

After The Road, I started A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers, a memior that I'm only about 100 pages into. This is in my string because the beginning is about how Dave loses both his parents within a year and is charged with taking care of his 7 year old brother with the aid of his sister. He relates a lot of the dialogue with his mom while they both knew she was terminally ill. She was a strong woman and was somehow ready for it to happen. It certainly is a captivating way to initially engage the reader, but he openly admits that as a goal in the preface.

Finally, I opened a link today on a forum I regurlaly visit to find a post involving the forum reader to think and reply about what they would do in the next 24 hours if they knew they were going to die. Apparently I'm not the only one with death on my mind. What was striking to me were the number of people who could respond in a short paragraph with what they would actually do. This is beyond me and just another reason I'm here right now, letting this bleed from my head.

So where am I going with this (ie how does it tie into the title)?

I've had a lot of time to think about this idea of "the meaning of life" and this is my conclusion. When we hear scientists or philosophists or theologians or any other learned type of people talk about this "meaning", I assume they talk about the meaning of life for humans as a group. The vast expanse of time and the universe is entirely too big for our wee planet in the Milky Way to have a direction or charge to do something. I also like to use the history of humans to support this point. I'd bet my, let's say right hand pinkie, because I don't think I use that one too often, that the "meaning of life" to colonists who fought for the independence of the US is way left field compared to the meaning for a bike messenger in San Fancisco. I know, it's a horrible comparison but if you take a minute to grasp the idea you might be able to make ones better than mine.

Condensed into one statement, you have to make your own meaning to life, whether it's the Bible, working your ass off 60 hours a week to provide for your family, or to experience as many wild adventures as possible. While I've gone ahead and put it into your hands to figure out on your own, don't worry because there will be plenty of other people that have the same meaning. There's probably a group out there for everyone.

I want to end asking this, which is how I see the meaning of life and death being closely related:

If you have the time at the moment just before you die, knowing that it is actually about to happen, that which will inevitably overcome all of us, will you be able to smile?

Ink, traveling, and the art of happiness

Hi. It's probably about 8:25 PM and I'm cruising somewhere between twenty and thirty thousand feet. First, and hopefully only point in question, no, I'm not updating my blog right now, twenty thousand feet over the continental US. I'm somewhere between Cincinnati and Norfolk, scribbling this down on my beverage napkin, trying to avoid the wet spots when possible. 

I've been in Cincinnati the past 24 hours on business. Unfortunately, I hope you understand, I have no stories of lavish 1st Class flights or decadent hotel suites. The Hilton was quite classy, but I'm sure I had the smallest available room (no complaints though, the shower's water pressure was above par).

I just glanced out the cabin window of the small Embraer I'm flying in to see the moon bathing a sea of clouds in a yellow glow. This directs my attention to the right side of my chest which will read from now on "We'll see the beauty in life again..." The needle didn't too badly, it got almost comfortable after a while. It's funny after spending 8 or 9 hours in airports the past 24 hours, being one of those laptop toting, neck tie dressing cronies flooding the gates every hour that this is that view that greets me after such drudgery. 

2 events of interest come to mind out of this so called business trip.

While being a fine patron of the disgustingly overpriced Moes restaurant (sorry Simpsons fans, I don't think they even considered such an idea) in the Cincinnati airport, the bartender enlightened me to a quick comment of the different people he saw in and out every day.

"It's almost disgusting how this job has given me such good judge of character. That girl at the door...I thought that cute girl should sit over here at the bar, but as soon as I saw her face...No way. She's mental. I can tell in the first 3 seconds."

I chuckled, shrugging the comment off not showing much interest in "deep conversation". He was still a good bartender and saw me on my way well. I just can't help wishing though, that I had asked "What did you think when you saw me?" I didn't want to prove anyone wrong, I just wanted to know if he was right. I would have given him 20 bucks if he was. 

2nd event of interest.

As I waited with my coworker for her flight to leave 2 hours before mine would, I saw an interesting person walk by gate A2. I would have been damned, was that my freshman year roommate's older brother's good friend? I dismissed the chance, seeing there was something distinctly different. 

After my enlightening experience at Moes (as well as a tall Kentucky Ale), I wondered over to the smoking lounge. I was bored and I am human after all. When I walked in, I saw the previously mentioned person again. He looked like he was fighting off sleep, so I just sat, sucked down my Camel Light. Soon I got up to leave and glanced over again to see he was looking at me. Our eyes met, some recognition occurred and I moved his direction. 

I walked up to him and he said, 

"Do I know you from somewhere?"

"Jack?"

"No, I'm his little brother."

I couldn't believe it, he had definitely grown and changed in the past four and a half years. Of all the people, I would never have thought I would see him in the smoking lounge in the Cincinnati airport. His life had taken him to Montana then LA where he studies psychology with the hopes of continuing in clinical psychology. The details of what I said and he said there after are not of much interest. It's difficult to talk with someone you didn't know that well four and a half years ago. 

But it makes me wonder, how it was our paths should cross in such a way. We're landing now and seats and tray tables must be locked and in their upright positions, thusly my writing surface has vanished. I'm going to take some time, the drive home really, to be amazed about this some more, maybe think about it. Maybe I'll just leave it at coincidence. 

Note: I did write this at the specified times at the beginning and am just getting to posting it now. I haven't thought about this much, my mind is still just blown. By the way, if I hadn't approached him in the smoking lounge, we would have still talked as we were seated next to each other on our flight home.

coming back...

I'm making an attempt at coming back to this blog. I just finished reading a few blog posts by my friend Greg who is living and working in South America and I feel slightly inspired. I'm at work for now though and need to get back to the man keeping me down.

what i'm doing here

So I've been in St. Louis for almost 3 weeks now. I think. It's hard to keep track of time when I don't have a real schedule.

Highlights:

Kat, Michael, Emily and Kate (all friends from school) stopped by for the weekend. Kat was here Friday - Sunday and Michael, Emily and Kate were just here Saturday night as they were in the middle of the road trip to Salt Lake City. They should be there by now. It was awesome having some people here because I haven't talked to anyone my age in however long it is I've been here. So I showed Kat the St. Louis things. Did a bike trail down by the Missouri River and then saw the Arch. When the others arrive, we preceded to drink enough drinks at the Mexican restaurant to get loud and had a great time.

That's mostly it for highlights.

I've been doing some job hunting, reading and playing WoW. I joined a new guild so that makes things interesting and exciting and I'm progressing in the game a lot more than previously. So makes it worth the $15 a month at this point.

I may be working for Coors and be back in Harrisonburg again soon. I'll be ok with that for an interim job. I'll be able to mountain bike again and live some where I'm comfortable. I just need to find some place with AC.

That's about all. Over and out.

st. louis

here i come...

horror

I forgot I had this great horror dream the other night. Here goes.........

I'm in the lobby of a hospital waiting around and then all of a sudden we here extremely loud noises and earthquake vibrations like the building is coming down. Something is happening outside, I'm not sure but we figure out the hospital isn't falling and decide to run in. Before we make it past the lobby doors to get into the main foyer, the outside glass lobby doors burst inwards and a huge amount of blood is splattered on the glass in front of us. At this point other people in the lobby are freaking out and one lady is vomiting. Yea gross.....

So things advance quite a bit within a few seconds and now I'm in the hospital and there's a situation where people have become extremely sick. It makes their skin gangrene, profusely sweaty and bloated. It looks extremely sickening. Their behavior also changes, not necessarily zombie like, but basically out of their minds. I know my roommate Justin gets sick and then some girl I don't know does, but I'm asked to help console her or something.

It gets really weird here. I visit Justin in his hospital room and a bunch of people are visiting there. I think he's getting cured but in the back of my mind I still think he's going to be infected and die. As soon as I walk in I see Swiads playing the guitar. He's shredding really well and won't stop for a few minutes. After that I leave the room and find out another friend, Kyle, is infected. I roll up to where his room is supposed to be, which is strange because it's the top floor and it's huge. It's almost like the master's lair.

I walk into the room to see an orgy of these infected people, 4 girls and Kyle. I suppose they're trying to reproduce their sickened selves but I don't know to what end.

This is where the dream ended. I'm guessing had the dream continued, the infected people would have become hostile in some way.

I too was surprised at the strangeness of the dream. It was rather vivid and creepy but it really just made me want to watch a horror film.

Over and out.

bonfire, metal, indy, and the spaces between space

So I got back to Harrisonburg tuesday after having a DA sesh in what I thought was going to be Gloucester but was actually an hour north in Kilmarnock. It was a nice relaxing looking area with lots of farms and small road driving. We had a huge bonfire in the front yard at this house and played many games of horse shoe and "talk about something serious that we don't really know much about". Always go hand in hand. The drive back was great because I took 33 west all the way from this place back to Harrisonburg. Longer but much more fun and beautiful...

I arrived back to the burg to the prepping for a metal show so I knew it was going to be a good night. Saw two great metal bands. Horsefang = instrumental, great guitar work, some sludge thrown in = overall great. Tooth = same set up as FNLN w/o keys, awesome songs, drummer had great single kick skills (sounded like double bass when it wasn't), bass player was shredding = me super pumped afterwards. I met most of the guys in the band and they were all great guys. The night was ending but when I got home, I found some guys hanging at the house and we decided hit up last call at a bar downtown. Super late night to say the least.

Finally went mountain biking yesterday with Katesquared (two kates). I felt great pedaling all around and felt decently fast on the downhill. I'm going again tomorrow so that should be a great time. Also saw the new Indiana Jones last night for opening night. Most people were bashing it, which for the most part is agreeable. I was thoroughly entertained regardless and had fun. Old Harrison Ford is still a pretty badass dude.

Trying to finish Cat's Cradle in the next couple days. Been good so far, much better than Michael Crichton's Next.

Over and out.

va beach

Well I've been in Virginia Beach for the weekend thus far and it's been pretty rowdy.

Main reasons for the visit:
7th Annual Beer Festival in Norfolk
Catch up with friends
good weather

The beer fest was pretty awesome. Got a little souvenir 8oz glass and stood in lines for 3 hours to get all sorts of ridiculously delicious beers. The weather in Norfolk was perfect: sunny, 75 degrees, and a nice breeze. Mattoid, Bryan and myself devised a sneaky way to cut in line so that we could get more beers. It worked really well so we bought ourselves some fat stogies and sat down by the water rocking. We ended the day at a pizza place playing the ring game. We rocked the night with some Joose and weird internet videos.

Today I chilled with Mattoid at IHOP and then the skatepark. Saw some rippers there and relaxed outside. Back at Mattoids, we were sitting outside with the bikes and the ice cream truck guy drove by. I immediately thought pedophile. He stopped in front of us and it turned out to be this European kid, looked 19 years old. He hopped out and asked if he could try our bikes out. His name was Anton and he rocked some pretty big bunny hops. Then some little kid came up that lives in the same neighborhood as Mattoid and asked him if he wanted a turtle and pulled a turtle out of his pocket. It was pretty rediculous.

Then it was on to a Rockband sesh at Sweeze's and then to Corbet's to dick around. Tomorrow we're heading to Gloucester to Sabre's cabin. Pretty much going to be a huge DA fest. I'll head back to Harrisonburg on Tuesday then.

No NYU med center job for me. The search continues....

Over and out.

nick's room

So I posted security watch at the bag last night in placement of Nick. It was pretty sweet trying to make bands play and such. I had a blast though, especially since all the music was really good and entertaining. As always Gifts from Enola make really good attempts at melting my face off. Also have to give it up to wanli and Delft, kudos gentlemen.

Today is one of those days where I'm going to fill my time with I don't know what because I'm unemployed. This is the first of hopefully many things that I'll do. I'm pretty much hopping on the band wagon now since JC and T have set up their Manifest Destiny 08 blog to track their journey across the US on bicycle and Kevin set up his post to let us know how the Philippines and Thailand will be. Unfortunately I'm not on a great adventure yet but I'll consider the near imminent drive to St. Louis to be an adventure. That'll take a whopping 14 hours-ish.

I'm off to clean myself up and get to dicking around.

Over and out.